FOOD and Friends

To turn the corner: to pass the critical stage; to get by the worst point; hence, to begin to improve, or to succeed.

All things considered, yesterday was a pretty good day for us and it felt a bit like Sam turned a corner. We took a little field trip to a newly opened natural foods market in the “strip district” called Right by Nature and then a quick stop at Trader Joes for some Mahi Mahi.

Sam has always been interested in food – he’s one of those people that live to eat. I can remember when we were first together that even sandwiches tasted better when he made them. He just has a knack for food. So, you can imagine that not being able to eat has been a bit of a trauma for him and so now he is working his way through this issue one meal at a time.

So, the field trip was a way to brighten his day. He picked up an eclectic mix of things to try including fish sticks, tater tots, pate, scrapple, lobster ravioli, chocolate mochi, and blue cheese stuffed olives. The quantity he can consume is still small, but how about that smile?

Today will probably be a rest day for him. He has stepped down again on his meds and that tends to make him tired and he’ll need to rest a bit. But it feels like progress.

The amount of saliva that Sam generates is still minimal – which is the reason it’s hard for him to swallow and eat foods, so if you remember him in your prayers, please pray that the medication he is taking will begin to work. He’s not seeing any benefit yet, but it’s only been a few weeks so there is still hope.

On a sad note – a church friend, Chuck Stauffer, has died. Chuck was an inspiration to Sam as Chuck suffered with constant pain from a back injury too, but lived his life with tremendous grace. Our deepest sympathies go out to Marge and their family. We will continue to lift them all in prayer.

Christmas Greetings

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

We have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas. As we hoped, Sam was able to attend Christmas Eve Service and visit with friends he had not seen in quite some time. It felt like old times sitting in the pew together... that's one of the things that was hard for me (Maddy) going to church without Sam. I told you all the ladies love Sam ;)

Sam with Catherine & Yvonne

Today, Christmas Day, we visited with our friends Julia (who comes from Moldova) and Adam (who is from Ethopia) with their new baby (Daniel) and Julia's sister Tanya who has been visiting from Moldova (a small country near Romania for those of you who may be unfamiliar with that part of the globe). Julia and Maddy met when she worked at Maddy's office as the receptionist and we all became great friends. We think of them as family and always enjoy seeing them.

We also spent a few hours at Maddy's parents' home. The food was great and Sam experimented to see what foods he could swallow. He was surprised that he could eat ham but not breaded smelts. We new he could eat pasta, meatballs and kielbasa - that's pretty much a holiday staple at Maddy's parents house - but Sam had problems with the apricot roll and some of the other holiday deserts -- but, it's progress and we'll take it.

While we didn't get to spend this holiday with our children, we feel blessed and have nothing but joy in our hearts this Christmas. We wish you the same.

A message from Sam

Hello all!

Yes, it’s me in the flesh – Sam. I’m writing to thank all of you personally for your prayers and support. This really has been a strange year for both Maddy and me.

Being treated for cancer has been really difficult, especially the chemo which made me sick to my stomach for months… but God got me through that as well at the “being burnt” with radiation on my neck, face and inside of my mouth.

My recovery is going slower that I hoped. Isn't that the way it always goes?

Food… I love to eat and the most frustrating part of it for me is that I’m still learning what I can and cannot eat…. Soups, ground meats, pasta noodles and liquid, I can handle. It’s hard when you’re not producing saliva. I have to sip water every time I take a bite of solid foods and that makes me so full that it limits the amount I can eat.

I think my favorite meal so far was the tuna tartar and wontons; next was chili and then pureed soups. A lot of the sweets I love, like Reese’s cups for example, turn out to be too sweet for my teeth. If I could tolerate them it would help to add more calories to my diet. Ice cream burns my throat – go figure – I don’t do so well with meats as they don’t break down enough for me to get down my throat unless they are ground. Shrimp didn’t do so well and eggs either. I have yet to try fish but I’m hoping fish and crab meat will give me some variety. I would love to be able to enjoy bread so I could have pizza and hoagies – but lunchmeats failed the tests, too.

At least I still have a desire to eat, but I’m not giving up hope that some day I’ll be able to produce enough saliva, now that I've started taking some medication my E/N/T prescribed to help with that problem.

Obviously, I don’t know if I would be feeling so well if it wasn’t for the 5 cans of Crucial formula I take through the feeding tube every day, but the catch-22 is that it leaves little room for me to feel hungry or to consume mass quantities of table food. So, I guess this is part of the reason that recovery takes so long.

As for my spirit; what God has done and is doing for me is tremendous. He has and is showing me how he can bless me and answer our prayers. When I was first told I had cancer, I felt all alone inside and scared. It’s only when I reached out to God in prayer that I started feeling confident of his helping hand in this. Evident now in the way things moved and the confidence I felt in my medical team and yes, prayer team; God has challenged my faith and brought me to a higher level of trust in His grace and mercy for me and my family. It has brought Maddy and myself closer to Him and to one another. Each night before we turn in, after doing a short devotion we spend our last waking hour with the Lord in prayer and thanksgiving and that has made us feel extra blessed.

Maddy and I are more at peace with God at the helm and we ask Him daily to lead us into the future and bless us with good health and continued joy in our hearts.

So, thanks again for being there for us. We love all of you and pray that you will be blessed this year with knowing what’s truly important in life.

Sam

P.S. I hope to see some of you Christmas Eve as I plan to attend service at North Park Church.

Making progress

Today, after church and a stop for a few grocery items, I made home-made Ricotta cheese (it tastes awesome) and Sam made sweet potato red pepper soup (it was good, too). That was fun!

On Saturday Sam and I went out for a few hours in search of a winter hat for Sam and we stopped for lunch. At first Sam didn’t think we should eat out because he thought it would be a waste of money since he doesn’t consume very much at a sitting, but clever me suggested that he could just have soup or an appetizer. My scheme continued when I suggested that we stop at a restaurant that has been a favorite of ours in the past – Jimmy Wan’s Tai Pei Restaurant in Cranberry. It worked!

Sam had some pork wonton soup and some tuna tartar and he really enjoyed it. Do you know how amazing that is? First of all, as Dr. Celin said on Thursday, they poisoned his tongue and burnt it with radiation. So, it’s a wonder he can taste at all. Some foods are too strong and overwhelm his taste buds (salt, sugar, spices like garlic) and the consistency has to be right for him to swallow (he can swallow soft food, but not sushi rice cause it’s too sticky and gets stuck). So, it’s almost like a game trying to think of new things for Sam to eat.

Today I bought some Reese Peanut Butter Cups (one cup is 180 calories) and when I pointed out that one cup is about a half serving of one can of his formula, he said, “Then maybe I can just eat Reese’s all day.” My reply - “Silly boy, you still need good nutrition! You have to add the Reese’s to your diet so you can gain weight.” Seems like the “old Sam” is coming back.

Sam really likes dark chocolate, but the 70% dark chocolate doesn’t taste right to him now. So, today I got him some Lindt milk chocolate and that worked. Juices don’t seem to taste right to him either. The thing to remember here is that he’s making progress and we have to be thankful for that and remember they said recovery can take a year or longer. He still has a way to go.

We did finally get Sam a hat at LL Bean, and he was happy. I was too. It was a good day.

More waiting...

As you may be aware, Sam had a follow-up appointment with his Ear/Nose/Throat specialist, Dr. Celin, today. While Dr. Celin said he was, “tickled” by how Sam was progressing, he was undecided on going forward with a biopsy of his tongue.

He said he felt a little boxed in by the PET/CT radiology report and therefore could argue for a biopsy, but because a biopsy is somewhat random, he is reluctant to put Sam through that experience at this point. {I saw this one coming} He suggested that Sam come back in a month and maybe we can order another PET/CT scan or schedule a biopsy at that point.

Now, pardon me if I sound like Tevye, the father from Fiddler on the Roof, but on the one hand, it’s a little frustrating to not have definitive answer (if there such a thing with cancer treatments) and on the other hand Sam is just starting to make some progress swallowing some soft foods and a biopsy will definitely cause a set back to this progress. So, we agreed to wait.

Waiting – is hard for impatient people but;
Waiting – has advantages, too.

Since Sam’s last visit three weeks ago, he has gained 1 ½ lbs. I could do that in one afternoon, but he does have a different metabolism, darn! Dr. Celin suggested trying to continue to step down from the pain meds and he also prescribed something to try for dry mouth.

Dry mouth problems are a reality for Sam and while we all know saliva is important, its value is seldom appreciated until there is not enough.

Everyone knows that saliva is an essential body fluid for protection and preservation of the oral cavity and oral functions, but did you know that saliva is produced by the three pairs of major salivary glands and hundreds of minor salivary glands. And, while saliva is mostly water, it also contains over 60 substances, which:

Protect, lubricate and cleanse the oral mucosa;

Aid chewing, swallowing and talking;

Protect the teeth against decay;

Protect the mouth, teeth, and throat from infection by bacteria, yeasts, and viruses;

Support and facilitate our sense of taste

They say sipping small amounts of water during the day can help to keep your mouth moist, however excessive sips of water can reduce the oral mucus film and increase symptoms. Isn’t it always about balance?

Well, to wrap up, Sam and I have found when you have learned to trust God for the outcome it is much easier to find peace. Today we have that peace. We will wait – upon Him.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Sam and I were fortunate to grow up in a time when Christmas carols were sung in school and consequently not only do we love all the old songs, we even remember a lot of the words.

Last week Sam got a call from someone at our church asking if he would like some carolers to come and sing on Sunday night and he happily said, "Okay," and I was thrilled by the idea.

I must say that it was the little push I needed to decorate the house for the holidays.

Since neither of our children will be able to make it home for Christmas, I wasn't looking forward to lugging our 7 foot tree up from the basement and rearranging the furniture, so I had decided to decorate with a little 4 foot tree my daughter reluctantly left behind when she moved to Arizona. So, almost as a way to connect with her, we decided to put up this tree:

Well, on Saturday it started to snow and by Sunday we had about two inches. Because we live on a road that is not serviced by our township, I was a little concerned that the carolers might not make it up the hill to our house. Then, last night the carolers started to arrive - first one car, then two and a third came and Sam and I looked at each other with amazement when the fourth car pulled into our driveway. It was so cool - but the best was still ahead. The children, the singing, the fellowship, to have a house full of visitors, the look on Sam's face, the joy of celebrating Christ with other believers!!! Wow.

Little Hope sang beautifully and really embodied what Jesus said, "Mark 10:15 Truly I say to you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. "

[As a little child - With the temper and spirit of a child - teachable, mild, humble, and free from prejudice and obstinacy.]

The children had hand-made a few Christmas cards for Sam and also presented him with a "candy wreath" and a poinsettia... it was very touching. We offered them brownies, milk and our thanks. Well, needless to say Sam and I had our socks blessed off!

Thanks to all of you who took the time to bless us this Christmas season.

Catching Up

I know I've been remiss in posting, but it seems like either I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off, or it doesn't seem like I have anything new to say.... however, I've been feeling inspired so I'm probably going to blab aimlessly.

I'll take you back to the day after Thanksgiving. Max, Leslie and I had the wonderful opportunity to visit Phipps Conservatory for a few hours in the afternoon (Sam needed a nap because of all the Thanksgiving excitement - or it could just be the meds.) And we had a great time taking numerous photos:

Sam has been working on trying different foods with some successes and some problems.

Since Thanksgiving he has tried and been able to eat a few spoonfuls of - French toast; sweet potato bread pudding with ice cream; wedding soup; pasta with a little sauce; avocado; pumpkin pie; and sweet potato/parsnip soup; chocolate milk; chocolate brownie.

The problems have been sushi rice (it didn't want to go down); ice cream was too sweet; and last Thursday, he got brave and tried to swallow a small Senecot-S tablet and it got stuck in his throat which was not fun for him. He irritated his throat so much trying to cough it up that he didn't try anything the next day. He did get back on track and is trying.
Some foods just don’t taste quite right to him, and the thought of choking isn’t very appealing… so he does approach food with a level of caution.

This Thursday Sam has a follow-up appointment with his E/N/T doctor who will determine if he wants to biopsy Sam's tongue. I'm not sure how Sam or I feel about this appointment... on the one hand the thought of Sam having to undergo this procedure is not appealing; but on the other hand it would potentially give us a clearer picture of Sam's diagnosis. But, we have found that it is much more beneficial to live the day you have and not focus too much on what might be ahead. For us, there is peace in that philosophy.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a head game and it is not easy. For us, it is a day-by-day process of trusting God for the outcome and taking things as they come. When we find that we are not in that place - that's when things seem upside down. That's why prayer is so important. Like my dear friend Thelma said once, "Prayer is like the oars of your boat. They take you closer to shore - the shore won't come to you."

Thanksgiving Blessings

It was a beautiful sight!

Our Thanksgiving menu included turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, asparagus, sweet potato bread pudding, cranberry sauce, crescent rolls and pumpkin pie, but seeing Sam sitting at the table with a dollop of everything on his plate was huge; and the best news is that he was able to swallow a little bit (about a teaspoon) of everything. It was awesome!!!

This Thanksgiving holiday we had a triple blessing. Not only did our son Max and daughter-in-law Leslie drive in from Chicago, but my parents were able to join us for the holiday too! And, thanks to the marvels of technology, we were able to video conference with our daughter Deanna and her and her boyfriend Eric who reside in Arizona (along with Eric’s father, brother and sister who were visiting them) on the X-Box 360 which was so cool.

Unfortunately, at this writing, I don’t have Thanksgiving photos to post, but I hope to have some to share, soon.

Since my last post almost a week ago, we have a lot of praises to share. Sam is still taking several naps during the day, but nothing like a week ago, which tells me that he has adjusted to the dosage change. And, if all goes well, he will try to reduce the pain meds down a little more this week with the hopes of a twice a day dose instead of three times a day. His throat is still sore and it still hurts if he talks a lot, but his voice is sounding a little better – not so much like “Froggy” from “Our Gang - The Little Rascals”.

The biggest praise is that for the last three days he has increased his formula from 4 to 5 cans per day which means he’s getting 1875 calories per day instead of 1500/day which should give him more energy too. He is also trying to eat a little solid food every day. This is progress.

A Future Goal:

Sushi is one of Sam’s favorite foods, but turkey is a start. Holidays can be stressful but while this one was busy, it brought us a glimmer of hope.

A lot of this.

Sam has been sleeping a lot this weekend. He has gone from 80 mg. to 50 mg. of his pain meds within a week and from what I've read, the side effects of withdrawal are fatigue, sweats/chills, watery eyes, nausea, and constant yawning. That is a pretty accurate description of how he's been feeling for several days. But it also said those symptoms should only last for about a week, so I expect he will be adjusting soon.

I have been encouraging him to try to eat food and today he had a few tablespoons of a recipe I found in the Budwig Diet. You mix 3 tablespoons of flax seed oil with 6 tablespoons of low fat cottage cheese and blend it well. Then grind 2 tsp of flax seeds and add to the mixture. It actually didn't taste bad and he was able to swallow it and it didn't taste awful to him.

If you are unfamiliar with the Budwig diet, there are plenty of links to information about it on the web, but essentially it is a diet that helps fight cancer naturally. Many people have had success with this diet and it has been studied scientifically and shown to be effective for some cancers.

Sam has tried vanilla ice cream which burned his throat - it's the sugar content. Juicy Juice grape flavor tasted terrible to him and he didn't like vanilla yogurt he tried. He's going to try eating cream of wheat cereal again this week. We are hoping that he may be able to tolerate some mashed potatoes, gravy and turkey on Thanksgiving. So, if you think of Sam, pray that he would be able to enjoy some table food on Thanksgiving - that would give him a boost for sure.

I think one of the hardest things for Sam is that this "recovery process" takes a very long time. It is hard to be this ill for this long and they say it takes a year to recover. That's a hard thing to wrap your mind around. You wonder, what could be taking so long? I think it's hard because the outside of his neck looks fine - but the radiation did so much damage, the body has a lot of repair work to do and that takes energy too.

Anyway, it is wonderful to think that my Sam has a chance to beat this cancer. What's a year? There are some wonderful friends of ours who would give anything to have that chance. We are grateful for this chance.

Our fondest regards to all of you who are reading this blog and may you have a Happy Thanksgiving. If you have time to post a comment, I'd love to hear what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving Holiday.

Maddy

Roseanna Roseannadanna moments

"It's like my father always use to say, it's always somethin. If it ain't one thing, it's another."

Seriously, Sam could use your prayers. He's a little discouraged. The swallowing is sort of working again, but the choking/drowning feeling he experienced really halted his progress. He has since been able to swallow his pills with water but he is really hesitant to try to eat food. Even with Dr. Celin's expert opinion that swallowing food is easier than water, he hasn't tried yet. I think he just wants to take it slow and may just need to attempt it when he's ready.

Of course that makes the line I walk more difficult because I want to push him and say, "But Dr. Celin said... blah, blah, blah... don't you believe him?... blah, blah, blah." But then I realize that I wouldn't want someone to push me into a pool if I wasn't ready. So, there's the answer, right?

I think the fact that Thanksgiving is coming and he was hoping to be further along with the food issue has put a damper on his mood. The idea of eating a piece of turkey thigh was starting to sound good to him. Not that he's going around with a long face, it's just that he's sick of being sick. He wants to be well again and it's not happening as fast as he would like.

On the lighter side, I think I know why Sam is tired. It's cause he’s working in his sleep. Figuratively, of course. It’s rather humorous to me (not so much to him) but the meds he’s on cause him to have very vivid dreams and so he talks in his sleep quite a bit and makes gestures - like, for example, he'll look like he's washing his hands or like he's working the remote. I have trouble sleeping cause when he starts to talk, I'm nosey and want to know what he's going to say. Mostly he mumbles stuff I can't understand. Every once in a while it's pretty clear. Like one night he said, "I'll get that, Jim." When I quizzed him about it the next day, he said that he was dreaming he was in the audience of the David Letterman Show and someone was performing some tricks with smoke and he was participating. I guess you had to be there.

Well, I guess the best course of action is to take things as they come, day-by-day, and continually remind ourselves to be thankful Sam's alive and has a chance to beat this cancer. It would be great to be further ahead in this process and yet I remind myself that they say it takes a year to recover from this treatment.

Please pray for courage for Sam and patience for me.

It's all in your head - literally and figuratively!

We were squeezed onto Dr. Celin's schedule today to determine the cause of Sam's sudden problem with swallowing, and he seems to feel that this experience is probably just a reflex action by the body.

After examining Sam, Dr. Celin said he didn't think there was anything different and that once you try to swallow and choke, your body tends to tense up and that just makes it harder to swallow. It's kind of like riding a bike after you haven't ridden one for a while - you are rusty and lose the technique. The same holds true for swallowing - Sam's a bit rusty. He also had no real explanation for the hiccups Sam has been experiencing.

He suggested that Sam continue to try to eat and drink and he gave Sam a prescription for a "Modified Barium Swallow" test to be scheduled in a week - if Sam feels the situation hasn't improved. This test determines if therapy would be beneficial.

• For those who like the detail - The test procedure is:
  You will be given small amounts of a barium preparation of varying consistencies from thin liquids to paste to a piece of coated cookie.
  Varying the amounts and consistency of the contrast material allows your doctor to determine which types of food are difficult for you to swallow and to locate the structure responsible for the trouble. The fluoroscopic screen allows the physician to view the results as the test takes place.
  The test is usually performed with a speech pathologist present who can assess your swallowing ability and devise a strategy to correct the problem. You may be asked to change your head position, breathing pattern, chewing habits, or the consistency of your food.

Dr. Celin reiterated what Lori, Dr. Chen's nurse, said - that while it might seem strange, water is the hardest thing to swallow. He suggested that Sam thicken the water or try something with more substance. He also said that because of all the radiation, his tissues are damaged and that makes it more difficult to swallow water.

I want to thank our friend Larry Satariano, who is a physical therapist, for taking some time to talk with Sam last night and who gave him some pointers on some swallowing techniques. That helped.

Anyway, we are feeling a little relieved and suspect that this situation may have been caused by the exams last week, but we can't be certain and the doc wasn't going there. But, what do we know, right? - it's always dangerous to be an armchair physician and that's one more reason to get the professional perspective. Time will tell.

Thanks for your prayers and support. We are grateful to have been blessed with such great friends.

A Bit Frustrated and Confused

For some unexplained reason, Sam seems to be having trouble swallowing today. He says it seems like the water or whatever just seems to sit at the back of his throat and won't go down. This is not only confusing, it's a bit unnerving! When he tried swallowing his medication today, he ended up having to cough up and spit out the water because it wouldn't go down and he felt like he was going to drown.

So, Sam called the E/N/T's office because he was getting nervous about choking and the doctor-on-call told him not to try to swallow anything (like his meds or foods); that he wasn't overly concerned; and to call the office on Monday to schedule an exam if the problem is still there. And, of course he said if Sam has trouble breathing to go to the ER.

This is weird and a bit upsetting because he had been doing so well. After his two doctor visits (one on Wednesday and one on Thursday) where he was thoroughly examined, he had some cream of wheat and was getting fluids down his throat. I'm not sure if this has happened because of the exams where the docs were examining his throat by putting their fingers into the back of his mouth or if something else is going on?

I keep thinking there must be a simple explanation. Usually that's what happens - it's some normal part of recovery or something like that and you have worried for nothing. Unfortunately, we have no frame of reference when it comes to the effects of radiation treatments on the throat.

Why does this stuff always happen on the weekend? It's enough to make you lose your mind. So, here we are again, having to try to find answers and exercising our faith muscles again.

We could use your prayers. Prayers for wisdom, strength, patience, calmness and faith.

A difference of demeanor.

Does a doctor's demeanor make a difference? After today, I'm thinking maybe it does.

We arrived at Dr. Celin's office promptly at 8:50 a.m. this morning. He is Sam's Ear/Nose/Throat specialist and after the usual chart update, Dr. Celin told us almost the same thing that Drs. Chen and Osborn said yesterday, but somehow it was different.

I think it's his "bed-side" manner. More than once during the conversation he said that there is some agreement among physicians that having a PET/CT sooner than six months can give a false positive. And therefore, it is probably too early to determine the meaning of the "glucose uptake" of the cells. Like cancer cells, cells that are healing will also draw up glucose faster and so he feels it's too soon to know. In addition, because taking a biopsy can be hit or miss and because Sam will have to have general anesthesia due to the location of the tumor, he would like to re-examine Sam in three weeks and schedule a biopsy the following week. That way, he could always cancel the biopsy if it's unnecessary.

So, the result of today's visit is that we still don't know if the cancer is gone. But, we left the doctor's office feeling a little less concerned and I am having trouble explaining that other than I think I have more respect for Dr. Celin - gut feeling again, I guess.

Sam and I have decided to take the focus of our life off of "results" - waiting for results; hoping for a certain result; expecting doctors to produce certain results. Maybe that's just what happens through this kind of process, but the "end result" is that when you live waiting for results, you stop living. While it's kind of hard for Sam to "do" a lot, I think it will be beneficial for both of us to re-direct our thoughts to the things of which we have some control. Like perhaps our attitude.

The best attitude we can choose is to live like today is the last day we may have on earth rather than one more day closer to a result. We'll see how that goes... hopefully we will have that resolve for more than one day :)

Inconclusive evidence

As you may be aware, Sam had an appointment with his radiologist and oncologist today to review the results of his most recent PET/CT scan. The answer is... we still don't have an answer.

There is still an appearance of a tumor at the base of Sam’s tongue but it is significantly reduced and they are not sure it is still cancerous.

The radiologist and oncologist can't really tell from the PET/CT scan exactly what is going on in the tissue because it can "light up" or metabolize for several reasons, including radiation inflammation, healing or scar tissue, and cancer, but only a biopsy will give definitive answers.

Sam has an appointment tomorrow morning with his Ear Nose & Throat (E/N/T) physician who will determine whether to do the biopsy. But, it is even possible that it’s too early to do the biopsy.

There is some positive news. His lymph nodes in his neck are back to normal size (they will continue to monitor them). The best news is that there is nothing registering in his chest scan so the cancer has not spread to his lungs. That’s a blessing for sure!

So, today’s visit is as we anticipated... and we are not alarmed; tomorrow we may have some additional information.

Prayer moves mountains and soften hearts.

Mmmm... Cream of Wheat

While it was only 2 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat with a little milk and sweet cream, the best part for Sam is that he was able to swallow and keep it down. Now, that's progress. I don't remember the last time Sam took food by mouth... probably August 12th... that was the date of his second chemo and he had nausea for 3 weeks and after that, the pain from the radiation was so bad he couldn't swallow food any more.

The other positive aspect of this food trial is that the Cream of Wheat tasted like Cream of Wheat and that makes a big difference in his willingness to try other foods. Last week he tried eating Miso soup and that tasted horrible to him - which turned him off to trying other foods. But, if all goes well, he may try to do a taste test of some other foods tomorrow to see if his taste buds have come back.

As for our prayer needs, we are trying to keep Tuesday's appointment in proper perspective and we need to continue to rely on God's strength and trust Him for the outcome. I don't want to put too much hope in it being a final answer. It is possible that the scan was given too early to give us a complete answer or there may be some other scenario that we haven't anticipated so I'm being cautious about my expectations of the results. I think we are both relaxed about Tuesday and we are ready for whatever news awaits us.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

6 ounces of coffee

Can drinking six ounces of coffee be considered a milestone?

I think we can safely say that if you have had nothing except formula for months by tube - drinking six ounces of coffee would be considered a milestone and that's what Sam did today - he sipped six ounces of coffee and it even tasted like coffee. That must have seemed like heaven to him.

Tomorrow he is thinking of trying Miso soup! Small, but important, steps.

In two days he will have his PET/CT Scan (Nov. 6th) and in a week from today (Nov. 11th) we will have the results. Time seems to be moving so slowly - but then I think - it's been almost seven weeks since Sam finished his treatments. Yikes.

We are praying that the scan will be clear.

We will also be praying for our country.

Passing time with his BFF (best feline friend)

Nico loves to share the recliner with Sam.



Mail call.... Sam really appreciates all the cards family and friends have sent.

Seeing how Sam appreciates getting well wishes in the mail has convicted me that I have missed the opportunity in the past to cheer someone who is recovering from an illness or loss. It's not the quality of the card or the beauty of the verse, it's the love in action that is shown when someone takes the precious commodity of time to bless you.

I am reminded of a parable in Matthew chapter 25 that talks about how we are to treat others:

The Final Judgment
31 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.

Sam and I appreciate the love and concern we have received from you.
Thanks.

Retail Therapy

Today was a small step on the road to recovery. Sam and I went out for about a half hour to shop for a few things for Sam. As we were driving along, we tried to remember the last time that Sam was out of the house for something other than a doctor visit or test, treatment, etc. To the best of our recollection, it was August 9th for a family reunion. Wow, how time flies when you’re having fun.

Ironically, both Sam and I had some retail therapy this weekend. On Saturday, I stopped by the mall and did something I rarely do; I got a "makeup makeover" at the Clinque counter. It's one of those things that makes a woman feel "girly" and pampered. It was fun. Is that pathetic? Probably, but you know what? I don't care because it was a distraction from everything - including this stupid election. Won't we all be glad when that is over?

Even though Sam decided he was up for a little change of scenery, not much else has changed with his condition – at least to the naked eye so to speak. What has changed is that more time has passed and we are 11 days away from the PET/CT Scan. We are in countdown mode.

Patience and Peace

Wednesday I had to stop by the Cancer Center to pick up new prescriptions for Sam and I had an opportunity to talk with Lori, Dr. Chen's nurse. After we exchanged pleasantries we talked about Sam's progress. She shared with me that another patient that has recovered from his type of cancer reported that she finally felt better after seventeen (17) months! Lori said that they typically tell patients that it takes about a year to recover from this treatment. I don't remember hearing that timetable; I think that might have registered in my memory.

Because it took a month for Sam to begin treatment after his first PET/CT scan I have been wondering if the treatment they developed would account for the possibility that the cancer would have spread. So, I asked Lori about the chemo drug they used, Cisplatin, thinking that maybe the reason they gave him Cisplatin was to kill any cells that may have spread to other areas of his body. Unfortunately, Lori said that Cisplatin is given to enhance the effectiveness of the radiation treatments. I think my eyes got larger at that moment as I realized that they weren't focused on whether it might have spread. Lori looked at me with understanding eyes and she said, "I know people don't understand this, but we treat the main problems first." I pushed her further for clarification and asked, "Since this drug moves systemically, wouldn't it destroy cancer cells in other parts of the body?" Her answer, "No, I don't think so. It's used to enhance the radiation treatments."

That was kind of a big gulp moment for me. I remember Dr. Chen remarking at our last office visit that radiation sometimes doesn't get all the cancer in the lymph nodes and if that's the case they can surgically remove them. So, all this means is that we won't know anything for certain until November 11th. Waiting is hard. It requires patience. I have learned in the past that asking for patience is a serious thing to ask for as those lessons tend to be painful. You know what they say - Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.


Like most people there have been plenty of times in my life that I have had to learn patience and to be honest that is one of the areas of my life where I still struggle. It probably has its roots in wanting to be in control. You know, one the the triplets of terror I mentioned in the past (expectation, perspective, control).


When you run into the grocery store for a few items and you are standing in the "express" checkout line waiting for the line that never seems to move, do you find you are impatient, or do you think of it as I do as an opportunity to do nothing and not feel guilty?


Truthfully, the grocery store example is one of the few times I exhibit patience when waiting. I can list about 15 other examples where patience is something I struggle with: calling a company and having to go through multiple layers of options before being able to talk with a human; commuter traffic; having a slow computer; giving computer tech support to a novice over the telephone; and chief among them for me has been waiting for test results on Sam's condition.

Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace [or, freedom from anxiety], patience, kindness, goodness [or, generosity], faith,


So, now I think maybe it's better to ask for peace - aw heck, who am I kidding, I need the whole bowl of fruit.

So, if I were to list our prayer needs, the biggest need is for Sam's relief from pain. He would love to be able to swallow and not have pain. He is weary of being ill and would love to be able to see some measurable progress. Patience. Patience. Patience. Waiting is hard but we have HOPE; and knowing that others are praying for us and have shown us kindness - that makes it bearable.

Refresh your mind

When you are viewing a website; periodically it helps to "refresh" the screen so you can see the most current, useful or even important information. I think the same thing is true of our mind.

Obviously there is no button to push to refresh or renew your mind, but do we even recognize the need? May I suggest that the refreshment comes when there is an inner desire to view things with a new perspective or even an outward force that drives you towards that end?

I've mentioned before that Sam's illness has brought a new challenge to our life together. Over the years things change and we adapt because there is time to adjust. This new twist in our circumstances came about so quickly, it is challenging to adapt to the emotional impact and so it requires a constant refreshing of our minds/hearts.

Sam and I talk from time to time about how this life experience fits together with the rest of life. Would this experience be any different for us if our belief system was different than the ones we hold? Have we learned anything about ourselves or about our beliefs through this experience?

Looking back over the years, I can see how our lives were molded and transformed by the path we walked. In the last few years however, for a variety of reasons, I have felt like I've been in a spiritual rut and in need of refreshment. Well, let me tell you, there is nothing like this experience to knock you down to your knees. But, that is the best place to receive refreshment.

There is a proverb that says, "The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?

It's hard for Sam to deal with the very slow healing process from his treatments. The change in his condition one month after his last radiation treatment is there, but barely recognizable. He just wants to feel better again and it is difficult when that process is taking so long. At times it can feel like there is no upside, but then we are reminded that without this treatment there was no hope. Hope. That’s the refreshment.

We hope that the medical treatments will "sustain Sam’s infirmity”, but there is only one healer and hope in Him mends our broken spirit.

Sam and I hope to be able to put this chapter behind us in a few weeks after his PET/CT scan. We look forward to a day when we can have some fun together again... like a Halloween party at Dean and Valerie's house.



Well, have a smile on us. And remember to count your blessings - when you look for the good things in life, you will find them and usually they will outweigh the bad.