Sam's Progress - oh so slowly.

The healing process seems to be moving along at a snail’s pace. Sam is still on serious pain meds because he continues to have tremendous pain especially when trying to swallow or talk. He is not taking any food by mouth; still has a lot of mucus secretion and is tethered to a feeding pump taking in about 1500 calories per day, a process that takes from 11-12 hours to complete. I know he is frustrated at times because he feels like he has been this way forever. Because his progress is so slow it’s hard for him to see any and he’s tired of being a zombie.

People often ask me how I’m doing. Like this morning at church, a dear friend told me I looked really good for what I’m going through. I don’t usually take compliments very well - I either laugh or feel embarrassed but this time my friend’s comment triggered in my mind other comments and questions I’ve received as Sam and I have been going through this experience. Like: How are you really doing? You seem so strong, are you sure you’re okay? I don’t think I could handle it if this happened to my spouse or someone I love.

The first time you hear the words, “You have cancer.” they sound larger than life. When others hear about Sam’s cancer diagnosis I think they, like we did at first, imagine it in its totality. But after the initial shock and as treatment begins, you find that it is a process that you deal with incrementally. Also, each cancer treatment is different and each person responds to treatment differently so you really don’t know what to expect and doctors don’t give you too much information. I guess it’s because they don’t want to speculate.

People seem surprised that I am not falling apart or something. Aside from the fact that there is too much to contend with on a daily basis, I believe that God just gives us the grace we need to make it through each day when we lean on him. I like how my friend Gloria Baldauff put it in her blog about her husband Jim who is battling cancer.

Quote:
“I've always said I could never be the mom of ten unless I had mom-of-ten grace. I couldn't bury a child, unless I had bury-a-child grace. I could never be a martyr for Jesus unless I had-martyr-for-Jesus grace. (However, I love him so much, that I might fight that one in my flesh. But he's so gracious, he wouldn't make me do it myself.) I never thought of it in terms of manna, but I've always known that anything I've ever gone through that was tough was because HE gave me the grace to go through it. And He has given me the grace I need for this. I know that. And He'll give me the grace for the next day and the next day.... And it's still hard. Still very, very hard.”

As I was getting ready for church this morning I had the radio tuned to the local Christian radio station and heard someone talking about joy. I liked his five suggestions for not losing your joy:

1. Be honest with God and walk in the light. “Walking in the light” means following Christ completely. As we trust in God and are made “truly His,” He will turn our path from darkness to light, for “God himself is light.”

2. Don’t let the world steal your joy – the world will try to convince you that God is imaginary and you are foolish to believe in a God you can’t see, hear or touch.

3. Don’t let other people choose your feelings for you.

4. Don’t live in regrets – live with your back toward the past

5. Choose to rejoice.

He also referred to one of my favorite passages, Philippians 4: 4-9
(4) Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! (5) Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.
(6)Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
(7) Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
(8) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
(9) Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Joy can be engaged regardless of how a person feels and our inner attitudes do not have to reflect our outward circumstances. True peace or joy is not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, or in good feelings. It comes from knowing that God is in control. Life is easier when you surrender control to Him.

That’s how Sam and I make it through each day.
Sam and I again want to thank all of you for your prayers on our behalf and for the love you have shown us.