UnRaveled

Suffering seems to make us dig deeper and question things. Why is this happening to me? Why now? What am I to do about this situation? How can we make sense of all this?

Last night, before Sam and I turned in we talked a little about this issue hoping to understand our desire for his cancer experience to make sense. We wondered - Is it that we hope that our lives matter and that we are here to accomplish something or make a difference in the world? Why do we want or need for things to make sense? Are we questioning the sovereignty of God? Does God need us to accomplish his plans?

As we wrestled with those questions we considered - Does our desire to make a difference become an idol in our lives? Is it about our needs? It’s the concept that even good things can become idols and because they are good, it is difficult to see how they can rule our lives.

Like they say, “It’s all about me.” Consider the trio: self-righteousness; self-deception and self-pity.

I draw from my Study Notes from, “Gospel Transformation”, a course Sam and I took a few years ago:

Self-righteousness
Pride by its very nature does not see itself. It comes with a “cloaking device.” When I am right and claim it, then I become self-righteous and cannot see my own failings in a given situation. When I cannot see my sin, I become insistent and demanding in my relationships with others.

Self-deception: I am right, therefore I cannot be wrong.
I am right. (self-righteousness)
If I am right, then you are wrong. (condemnation)
If I am not wrong, then how can I possibly be wrong? (self-deceived)

Self-pity is the loss of hope, rooted in our inability to make life work on our own terms.
I can do this. I can make this work (self-motivation)
I failed. (I am powerless)
How could I have failed? I know I can do this (Self-pity: I look bad to others)

Then there is the classic question people always ask; why do bad things happen to good people? This question is really a loaded question. First of all how can we be sure (aside physical discomfort and possibility of mortality) that having cancer, for example, is a “bad” thing to have happen to you? Consider that trials produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And then we can question; who is really good?

All these questions bring to mind the first question Satan posed to Eve, “Did God really say…?” Instead of focusing on all the good things God gives us, we focus on the negative. The ultimate suggestion by the “enemy”, God does not really love you, because if he did, he would not allow you to go through this; or he wouldn’t be so restrictive; or not answer your prayers. We stumble when we put our faith in ourselves instead of trusting God for everything.

Sam’s healing process is moving so slowly we see little change with his physical condition. He still has major pain swallowing and talking; mucus; is not sleeping well; etc. I have been carrying stress in my back. It is very tight and after going to my chiropractor and being cleared for any problem, I chalk it up to stress. No doctor can aleviate our maladies; it requires time and for us to exercise our mind and be reminded to put all our cares in God’s hands. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give your rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

We never really came to any final conclusions last night, but after praying and giving it over to our Lord, we rested.