A Cancer Called Bitterness

On Friday morning Sam had a visitor at the hospital who asked the question, “Do you feel any bitterness with all that has happen to you?” Sam didn’t need to think very long about his answer. He immediately said, “No – there are many people who are worse off than I.”

The fact of the matter is that Sam dealt with bitterness ten years ago after he was injured at work. While repositioning a sheet of brass, he ruptured his L5/S1 disk in his back and underwent a Laminectomy/Disectomy on September 11, 1998. After six weeks on bed rest and then work readiness physical therapy he returned to work. Not long after returning to work, Sam’s leg pain returned. Scar tissue developed inside his spinal column that causes a debilitating burning nerve pain that starts in his right hip, and travels down through his leg and into his toes. On a scale of 1 to 10 his pain is always in the 2-3 range and with activity or just from standing or sitting in a chair it increases to a 10 and remains high until he reclines for hours and sometimes days. And if the burning pain wasn’t enough, intermittently and without warning, he will feel a sharp stabbing pain in his calf which he describes like being stabbed with an ice pick.

Sam was a guy whose identity was tied to doing. He fixed our cars, built an addition onto our house; fixed things around the house, etc. At work he painted signs that are in offices, cruise ships, hospitals, Disney World and even Mall of America. He is very talented and before his injury he was constantly in motion.

After years of being on and/or trying different pain medications; going through more physical therapies and even having a “spinal cord stimulator” unit implanted, he still got no relief from his leg pain. Finally his doctor took him off work and that’s when he faced a “cancer called bitterness.”

The way he handled this life challenge gave me more respect for him than anything he had ever done in his life. He was at a cross road back then; a choice between being bitter or better and he chose the better road. You see, he realized he is not a human doing, but a human being and that bitterness will eat at you like a cancer. He turned his life over to God and sought to do His will. It was nothing dramatic he says, just a realization that Jesus loves him, wants to be his friend and has a plan for his life. Peace and acceptance followed.

This cancer was most likely caused by the exposure to all the paint fumes; plastic by-products and wood dust he was exposed to at his job. His back injury was sustained at work. Sam knows he can’t change the past – but with God’s help, he is determined to live differently in the future and without bitterness.

What an incredible guy I'm married to.

Maddy