When we last saw Dr. Osborn on Tuesday, Sept 9th, she joked about how pathetic your life is when your only excitement is that you had a bowel movement or that you hadn't vomited that day. That's how wonderful life is being treated for cancer. This is not really living, it's surviving. It's all consuming and it's tolerable only because it brings a hope of a future without cancer.
Yesterday morning at 9:00 a.m. and this morning at 8:00 a.m. Sam received a "Neupogen" shot at the Cancer Center to help prevent another hospitalization for low white blood cells. His vital signs are pretty good which the nurses tell us is most likely from getting a break from treatment; but truthfully, he looks like and feels like hell. He is exhausted, suffering from nausea and looks scary thin. He's operating on sheer will-power, strength from God and the prayers of faithful family and friends.
Yesterday I had a long conversation with a friend whose husband is also suffering with cancer and while it doesn't solve anything, it helps to talk with someone who really understands the ups and downs of this experience. It is very hard, as you can probably imagine, to see someone you love suffer. I don't have any special gifts or superhuman strength, but find myself setting aside my feelings about the situation in order to keep going and doing the everyday things that still need to be done. It's kind of like being a paramedic. When they arrive on scene, they get about the business of stabilizing the injured person and must set aside their own feelings about the horror of the trauma in order to do their job. It's almost like I'm in neutral - not looking back and asking why or how and not looking forward to the unknown - just trying to get through the day and support my trauma patient as best I can.
Sam will see the radiologist tomorrow and will most likely finish treatment this week with five more radiation treatments - unless Dr. Chen decides differently which we have been told is a possibility. Five more days seems like a lifetime when you are as sick as Sam, but it's something to look forward to and then his recovery can begin in earnest.
Next steps will be a PET/CT scan at the end of October and the results appointment with Dr. Osborn on Oct. 28th. Please pray that they got all the cancer and that Sam will not have to endure more chemotherapy. Pray that he has the strength to make it through this week. Pray that God would lift our spirits and give us the faith and strength we need to continue.
We miss you all.
Love, Maddy (and Sam)
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