Steering clear of "what if" land.

Most people look forward to the weekend. Lately, I dread them. Through this process, weekends have not only brought the possibility of a trip to the ER, but two trips and and an extended stay in the hospital due to dehydration, a high temperature (anything above 100.5 is considered high) and white blood cell issues. And as this weekend approaches, I have started to feel the dreads coming on. While Sam was told that his blood work is mostly satisfactory, his temperature has been slowly rising over the last few days.

At the Cancer Center today, his temp was 100.1 and he was given hydration and now at 6:45 p.m. it is 99.1, which is probably the result of being hydrated. But staying hydrated is challenging for Sam because swallowing is painful and while he will push himself to drink water, it may be difficult for him to consume enough to push back a rising temperature. At this point, I'm not alarmed because we have been able to control his temperature in the past with Tylenol and his radiation and chemo treatments have ended, so I don't expect it to become a problem. But past experiences are not easily forgotten.

I think with this illness or for that matter most challenges in life, it's always the unknowns that cause concern or even "worry". But in dealing with unknowns it's good to recognize that unknowns have two facets. The first is that there will potentially be problems and decisions to make; the second is that the problems and difficult decisions may never arise. A confidant of mine called this practice living in "what if land". And the point is that 90% of the time the "what ifs" never occur and by spending time there you have essentially terrorized yourself for nothing. I hate when I do that! The other 10% of the time, if we trust in God with all of our heart and don't depend on our own understanding as the Bible says in Proverbs 3:5 , He will work it out for us. Not as easy as it sounds, but wise advise.

What I find helpful when I find myself traveling on the road to "what if land" is to be aware of the road signs and make a u-turn when I recognize I have reached that dreaded destination or, better still, to turn back as soon as I recognize the first sign - although I can tell you that the signs are sometimes written in Portuguese - which of course I don't understand.

The next few weeks will contain mind trips with many roads leading to "what if land" and Sam and I are resolved to vigilantly watch for the signs and steer clear of that place. Pray for us that we will remember to trust in the Lord for the outcome. Pray that Sam's temperature will stay under control. Pray that our strength comes from the maker of heaven and not from our own flesh. I am reminded of a chorus we sing at church that was inspired by Psalm 121:

Lift My Eyes Up - by Brian Doerksen

I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You,
Maker of heaven, creator of the earth.

Oh how I need You Lord;
You are my only hope;
You’re my only prayer.
So I will wait for You;
To come and rescue me;
Come and give me life.

Psalm 121

I look up to the mountains, does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!
He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.
The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night.
The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.